


You Never Stay

by ButterfliesInMyStomach



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Light legend of the seeker roleplay, Luisa is cute and hurt, Luisa likes Bridget Regan like we all do, Mild Smut, Rewrite, Roisa, Roleplay, Rose has to go what else is new, Rose is still Sin Rostro, if Rose hadn't put Luisa in the mental hospital, some angst but they love each other so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 23:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13646520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesInMyStomach/pseuds/ButterfliesInMyStomach
Summary: Hi!So, this is one of my first attempts at writing a fanfic. These two just give me all the feels and there are so many great stories already but I had some ideas, so I thought I'd try this... Please, be gentle with me ;)Feedback is very welcome, of course! Leave it in the comments below or email me: powdereddonuts0604@yahoo.com.I'm extremely grateful for suggestions concerning my writing skills and to you for reading!Love,-H.





	You Never Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So, this is one of my first attempts at writing a fanfic. These two just give me all the feels and there are so many great stories already but I had some ideas, so I thought I'd try this... Please, be gentle with me ;)  
> Feedback is very welcome, of course! Leave it in the comments below or email me: powdereddonuts0604@yahoo.com.
> 
> I'm extremely grateful for suggestions concerning my writing skills and to you for reading!
> 
> Love,  
> -H.

“We should do this more often,” Luisa sighed as she positioned herself to face the taller woman holding her. Rose smiled and grabbed the remote to switch the TV off. “I love it when we have a movie night. It gives me an excuse to feed my ‘Legend of the Seeker’ obsession.”

“I thought you would say it is an excuse for you to be in my embrace,” Rose frowned, pretending to be hurt. Luisa chuckled quietly before gently hitting Rose’s shoulder. “I don’t need an excuse for that.”

They looked at each other with something so warm deep inside both of them trying to escape their lips, but it remained unsaid.

Rose shot her gaze on her hands in her lap. She started playing with her fingers, feeling the urge to let the three-word sentence get through her boundary. Suddenly, she smiled sadly, trying to silence her thoughts. “I will never fully comprehend what you see in this geeky series,” she attempted to change the mood, her eyes meeting Luisa’s again.

“It is not geeky! It is so captivating – the magic that runs through all episodes, the love Kahlan and Richard cannot act on –,” she paused as she had just figured out why she had actually been so fond of the show, “I can just relate to all of this, you know. Plus, the acting is _really_ good. Don’t even get me started on the actress who portrays Kahlan.” Luisa felt blood rush to her cheeks, painting them into a pinker shade than usual. What was happening – she never blushed!

“Oh my god – you have a crush on her! You have a crush on the actress who plays Kahlan?” Rose suddenly gasped.

“No, I _don’t_ ,” Luisa tried to convince Rose, as well as herself.

“I mean, I don’t blame you – she _is_ pretty hot.”

“Yeah, but as you might have noticed – I am more into red heads rather than raven haired women,” Luisa’s voiced gained a sultry shade as she started trailing her fingers over Rose’s lips, ending at her red locks.

“Luisa, we talked about this. No intimate touches, no anything that would eventually lead us to ripping our clothes off,” Rose reminded her cautiously, not wanting to ruin Luisa’s good mood.

“I was just –,” Luisa could not finish her sentence. Rose brought her finger up to Luisa’s mouth to silence her. “Luisa, please. It’s hard enough as it is,” the red head’s voice broke at the end of the sentence. The craving look in Luisa’s eyes physically hurt her. Rose stood frozen, she hadn’t even moved her finger from Luisa’s lips.

Since her plan was on the verge of going into motion, Rose had purposefully started putting some distance between her and Luisa. She knew all of this could not end well. In near future it would hurt them both, maybe Luisa more than Rose herself since she hadn’t been living in the shading ignorance Luisa had. It broke something inside of the red head, thinking about what was going to happen soon. She really tried her best to subtly prepare Luisa for everything mentally and physically. Just the other day she had checked that the hotel staff still were prohibited to give Luisa any access to alcohol and had lunch with Luisa’s sponsor – though she hadn’t obviously told her why. Rose had made up an excuse to meet up. Yes, everything she did for Luisa enormously endangered her plan but Luisa had always held this part of her heart nobody else had touched before. That’s why Rose would have done anything for her – except ruin her plan, it was too important and she had sacrificed too much for it already, Luisa being one of these sacrifices.

At the beginning Rose hadn’t talked to Luisa yet. She had just buried herself in her responsibilities, legal and illegal. She had showed Emilio a little more affection she had during their earlier years of marriage to keep him in the unknown. The truth was, every kiss she had to share with Emilio killed something inside of her. It felt like someone was squeezing her heart, which was strange since Rose had never known what it was like to sense the pinching of a conscience. She shouldn’t have felt like that, but she did. At first Rose couldn’t name it, the feeling she got when she showed affection to her husband. But when Luisa fell off the wagon after one of their constantly occurring fights and Rose was holding Luisa’s hair back while the woman was dry-heaving over the toilet, she knew. Touching Luisa was like breathing fresh air, pleasantly supplying her lungs with oxygen, worrying about the woman was like holding an infant, always having to be aware of the gentle neck of the dear person that could snap if she didn’t give enough support. With Emilio, there was less subconscious physical contact, every touch was made with careful planning and analyze beforehand. She was committed to Emilio, but she was in love with Luisa. That’s what it was that kept her going back to Luisa – love. It had all started as a physical thing, sure, but the excitement she had felt below her belt every time she saw Luisa had quickly shifted into her heart. Now here she was, putting this one person in front of everything she had worked for, keeping that same person in the dark about leaving her soon.

Eventually, after Rose hadn’t managed to stay away from the woman herself, she had been obliged to ask Luisa for space. The brunette had made it frustratingly difficult for Rose not to draw any suspicion from her husband when they had family dinners. Emilio always said, ‘Family is everything.’, though he himself hadn’t proven to be neither a good father or a caring husband. He occasionally paid attention but that was the best he could offer. So, whenever he felt like it had been too long since a family get-together, he insisted everyone came to the Marbella restaurant for an evening together. A few days before another one of these family events, Rose had talked to Luisa about not seeing each other for a while. Luisa hadn’t taken the news well, so she set herself on a mission to get Rose back to her again. And if Luisa gave herself a goal to work towards, she usually reached it, this time was no exception. Shortly after the family dinner – where Luisa had showed up in Rose’s favorite dress – they had ended up naked and sweaty in Luisa’s room. Rose realized they couldn’t break contact so abruptly, so she convinced Luisa to at least try not to have sex for a while. It was one of the most challenging arguments Rose had encountered but she knew Luisa would say yes to everything she asked whenever she kissed the woman. So, after some physical ‘convincing’ Luisa had promised to give it a try.

Rose jumped out of her thoughts when she felt a soft electrifying touch on her finger. Luisa had locked her mouth around the tip of her index finger, kissing it tenderly. “Lu,” Rose tried but failed to deny the only person she had ever truly loved what she desired most. It was hard for the both of them, not only Luisa of course. Over the last few weeks Rose had found herself on her way to Luisa’s twice, managing to stop before she could get to Luisa’s room. A longing coupled with a hollow heart gave Rose enough reasons to surrender. She lost control and pulled Luisa in for a searing kiss. Rose felt like Luisa had started to become the more dominant one in their ‘relationship’ – she missed the control. So, in one quick movement, she pushed Luisa off the couch, falling softly on top of her.

All of a sudden, Rose saw a light flicker on in Luisa’s head, as she came up with the most brilliant idea she had ever had.

“Command me, Mother Confessor,” Luisa purred into Rose’s ear. Rose’s throat went dry as she processed the words. She fixed her gaze on Luisa’s face, and started sliding her hands on Luisa’s. With a rough and passionate movement, she secured the woman’s hands over her head.

The air around them was thick and full of anticipation, emitted there mostly by Luisa. She felt the urge to ask Rose to switch roles, but she knew Rose enjoyed being in charge. That’s why she settled for a deep exhale, turning Rose on beyond belief.

Rose brought one of her hands down on Luisa’s throat. “I haven’t confessed you – yet,” she breathed as she started laying bruising kisses on Luisa’s neck. “At least not intentionally.”

“You confessed me the day we met. The first kiss we shared, _my Mistress_ , resulted us in a moment of ecstasy – now I must serve you. I would die for you,” Luisa pledged, intertwining shards of truth into her statement. Rose must have sensed it, because she froze for a second, her eyes on Luisa’s. The ocean blue diamonds were facing the warm hazelnuts, exchanging more than the three-worded sentence both of them knew should never be said to one another.

Of course she remembered their first kiss, how could she not. It was the fourth of July, after they had met in a girl-bar. It hadn’t even been ten minutes when Luisa had offered to get out of there, not knowing how the following night would turn both of their lives upside down forever.

Luisa had often thought about what would have happened if she hadn’t left the bar with Rose that night. What if she had met another woman before and taken off with her? Would they still be here today, in this very moment struggling to keep their feelings inside? Most of the times she had pondered that thought she had figured everything would be easier. They wouldn’t have shared that magical night in Fort Lauderdale, followed by many more nights in the fear of getting caught. Maybe that’s why she kept running back to Rose, because their situation was just exciting. The probability of her father finding out about them hanging over them every time they made love. _No, Luisa, you don’t love her, you can’t. She will get mad at you if you tell. Don’t feel, otherwise she’ll leave for real, Luisa kept repeating to herself. It’s only physical, she’s hot, she’s very hot. And the way she bites her lower lip when she’s turned on or insecure, or the way she lowers her eyes when she’s…. get it together Alver!_

“Make me tell the truth. Hurt me,” Luisa whispered, as she remembered their silent treaty.

Rose tried to buy some time by continuing tasting the sweetness of Luisa’s lips, her tongue, to think of something. With an elegant movement, she then removed the belt on her jeans, and tied Luisa’s hands to the couch.

“I would never cause you pain. If you suffer, I suffer,” Rose said softly. “But I am going to command you not to fall over the edge before you are granted to do so.” She sat up and stared at the brunette for confirmation. Luisa nodded, her mouth slightly opened.

Rose grinned, and started unbuttoning her pastel blue shirt from up to down. Her movements were gradual, she had no intentions to leave tonight – her husband had been laid down to a definitive warm bed of concrete, making it also possibly the last time she would ever see Luisa, as her lover at least. She tried to forget her last thought, and regained focus on her actions, sliding her shirt down her body.

Luisa tugged on the knot keeping her hands from Rose. “No, my dear. Patience is the key to maximizing pleasure,” Rose murmured, starting to remove her jeans.

“That’s not from ‘Legend of the Seeker’,” Luisa momentarily broke her role.

“It’s from Rose, _your_ Mother Confessor.”

“I knew you got off on the fact that I’m your step-daughter,” Luisa smirked, earning a similar face from the red head straddling her, with the difference of something else reflecting from Rose’s eyes – sadness.

“Hold your tongue!” Rose finished her mission of getting rid of the denim hugging her beautiful long legs.

“Where?” Luisa joked seductively as a response.

“Like I just said: the key to the greatest pleasure is patience, and sometimes, anticipation. So, do as I command.”

“Yes, _Confessor_.”

“ _Mother_ Confessor,” Rose corrected her, losing her underwear much to Luisa’s liking.

“ _Please_ ,” Luisa begged.

“Hush,” Rose breathed. She lowered her face to Luisa’s, not letting the woman close enough to kiss her, thriving on her power.

“Ro,” Luisa exhaled against the red head’s lips.

“Yes?”

“Can you please take my clothes off already? I want to feel you against me.”

“For a possessed servant you are too demanding,” Rose narrowed her eyes.

“I’m telling the truth. I can’t help it – I have no control over my thoughts or body when I’m around you.”

“You are underestimating yourself. Remember the family barbecue we had three years ago,” Rose shifted a bit on Luisa, starting to trail her fingers down the deep neckline of Luisa’s white sleeveless top, “I was two fingers inside you at the table, and you kept it in so well. I was starting to get concerned that you did not care for my touch anymore.” Rose slipped her hands under Luisa’s shirt, removed her bra, and rested her palms gently around Luisa’s breasts.

“One of the most challenging moments of my life,” Luisa half-breathed, half-moaned as the massage Rose had begun started clouding her mind.

“Hmm, sounds like a challenge – I’m game if you are.”

Luisa’s heart rate quickened and her eyes had considerably widened.

“On a scale of one to ten, one being ‘not at all’ and ten ‘the best piece of clothing I own’, how much do you like this shirt?” Rose husked as she started hungrily sucking on Luisa’s neck.

Luisa tried to get a voice out of her mouth but failed every time. Finally, she managed to utter “Five. Why?”

Rose smiled at the brunette mischievously before lunging forward, crashing their lips together. She snaked her hands on Luisa’s upper back and locked her fingers into the white fabric destructing her view. She tore Luisa’s top with a loud voice echoing through the room. Luisa arched her back in pleasure, as Rose took in the sight before her. She never seemed to get tired of looking at Luisa’s body. It was without a doubt the most spectacular combination of curves and radiating warmth.

“Spread your legs,” Rose regained the commanding tone of a confessor.

“Now, if you manage to keep quiet, and not ask for anything for a while, I will reward you,” Rose husked into Luisa’s ear, peeling the blue shorts Luisa was wearing from her.

Luisa nodded enthusiastically, biting her lower lip. “If you don’t, I will bring you to scream my name, but just as you are about to do so, I will stop and will not untie your hands until you have lost the urge to make yourself come,” Rose looked deep into Luisa’s eyes as she crawled between her legs.

“Yes, Mistress,” Luisa whispered.

A wide grin formed on Rose’s face. She leaned lower to reward Luisa for obeying her command. Their lips danced to the echoing soundtrack of their hearts beating for each other. Rose explored Luisa’s mouth with her tongue, earning a moan from the brunette every once in a while. Every sound Luisa let out of her throat reminded Rose of the first time she had heard them.

_“I really did not expect this.”_

_“You never know when lightning is going to strike.”_

There had been actual fireworks accompanying their first time together. It had been nothing but over the top romantic, if this wasn’t the perfect beginning to an incredible love story, then what was?

After making out for a good ten minutes, Luisa began getting more and more impatient. She so desperately needed Rose to move a little more down.

“Co-confessor,” Luisa panted. “I-ah, I –,” she couldn’t finish her sentence. Rose really did not want to punish Luisa, she wanted to give her all of herself. So, she parted her lips from Luisa’s – swollen and so invitingly pink – and placed her finger on the brunette’s mouth, placing her own mouth on Luisa’s neck, sucking on it. Rose understood what Luisa wanted, but she was not done yet, although a part of her wished she was. There was also a part of her telling her to untie Luisa’s hands, since it would probably be their last time. There was nothing like Luisa’s hands holding her as they had sex… Rose suppressed that thought and decided to meet Luisa halfway.

“Soon,” Rose reassured Luisa, finding her breasts again. She planted kisses all over Luisa’s upper body, leaving red spots which would turn purple afterwards.

Rose did not want to be cruel to Luisa, she cared too much about her for that. So, she slid her right hand down to Luisa’s clit. The brunette arched her back off the floor to the sensation, moaning uncontrollably.

“Thank the spirits!” Luisa exclaimed.

“Don’t thank them just yet,” Rose murmured, hitting every right spot on Luisa.

“Confe– Ro, I’m, I’m gonna,” Luisa whined, feeling her orgasm rapidly approaching.

“Hold it in or I will take my hands off you. You can do it.”

“Ah, Rose!” Luisa screamed, trying to put off the inevitable.

“Look at me. Luisa! Look. At. Me,” Rose commanded. Luisa slowly opened her eyes, finding the red head facing her, but the sensation of her fingers down Luisa’s body still there. “God, you have no idea how much I care about you,” the red head brushed a lock of Luisa’s hair away from her face with her free hand. She sighed deeply, before removing her hand from Luisa’s clit. “I want you to touch me,” she reached for the knot and released Luisa’s hands, which immediately used their freedom to tangle around Rose’s neck. She pulled her in a kiss, sitting up, running her hands all over Rose’s body.

“Ah, Luisa,” Rose breathed. She closed her eyes at the pleasure of Luisa’s touch. “I am, however, still your Mistress, which means you h-have to-oh!” Rose could not finish her command, since Luisa’s skilled hands had sneaked down Rose’s stomach to find her clit. It took Rose all of her willpower to push Luisa back on her back to the floor. “You are obliged to follow my instructions. For now, I want to make you _scream_.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Luisa sighed.

Rose fought the urge not to remove Luisa’s hand from her, so she finally decided to place them a little higher on her.

“But,” she started, pulling Luisa back up again. “I would love nothing more than to make you come with me.” This was entirely true – Rose wanted Luisa to go with her, but for now, falling over the edge at the same time would be a good enough interpretation of the sentence as well.

Luisa smirked as she started moving her hips, so their centers brushed together. Suddenly, she pushed Rose to the floor, positioning herself between the woman’s legs. Rose glared at her, but Luisa explained. “I need you, I want to be closer to you.”

Rose nodded understandingly and caught Luisa’s lips with hers. It would be a nice thing to do if it would be their last time to finish together. It didn’t take either of them to get to the edge quite soon too. Luisa had already been keyed up by Rose’s actions before and Rose herself… let’s just say that her longing for the woman had not only been mental but also physical.

“Oh, Luisa, I’m – I’m so,” Rose panted between their sloppy but affectionate kisses.

“Me too,” Luisa exhaled, speeding up her movements and bringing her fingers to Rose’s clit again. Rose couldn’t contain herself anymore. Her moans and pants turned into screams of Luisa’s name, dangerously loud for someone to hear them. But since she had got rid of her husband who had technically been the only one standing in their way, there was no one to be afraid of. So, after years of hiding her sounds of pleasure into Luisa’s mouth or a pillow, Rose let go. She screamed herself voiceless, trying to hold back her climax.

“Let go,” Luisa whispered breathily. So she did, both of them did. They stayed quiet for a while, both waiting for the wave of orgasm to fade.

“Rose?” Luisa quietly asked. Rose pulled Luisa into her embrace, holding her like she would never let her go. “Yes?”

“I… I think you should go,” Luisa suddenly sighed. Rose could feel Luisa tensing up in her arms – Luisa was upset, she had made her upset.

“Okay, if you want me to,” Rose exhaled, running her hand through Luisa’s hair, not being able to resist touching the woman for one last time. She took a deep breath and stood up, starting to look for her clothes. If Luisa wasn’t happy with her being there anymore, she would leave. She would do anything to soften the blow Luisa would receive in the coming days. But she couldn’t do anything to prevent it. _Come with me_ , she thought. _Run away with me so we can always be together and we never have to keep these three words to ourselves. I love you._ Rose hadn’t noticed she had finished getting dressed and said the last sentence in her mind out loud. Luisa was staring at her, standing a couple feet from her, her face reflecting pain and desire. Rose saw a tear appear in Luisa’s eye as she closed her mouth that had opened in shock. Luisa lingered there for a moment before she burst into tears and escaped to the bathroom.

“Please, go,” she managed to exclaim between whimpers taking the better of her. Rose felt like she had just put a knife through her own chest. She quickly grabbed her stuff and left, not daring to hope she would ever see Luisa again.

* * *

 

How could she do this? How could Rose be the one to have the right to tell her first? Rose was the one who had put up boundaries in the first place. She had always been open about the way she felt, hiding and holding back emotions was unfamiliar ground to Luisa. She had never believed in denial but for some unknown reason she had done exactly that for Rose. Every look, every touch, every kiss had been carefully crafted, held under control so that thing that lingered between them wouldn’t be exposed. Luisa knew Rose wasn’t afraid of it – Rose wasn’t scared of anything or anyone. If she wasn’t afraid of their, well, relationship, then what was it that kept her back? That made her ask Luisa to hold back?

Actually, Luisa _knew_ why she had done everything for Rose, why she would do anything for the woman, who had come into her life on such a positive note but made it crash and burn into the ground. She loved her too, there was no doubt about it. When Rose told her she loved her, Luisa had just felt so… hurt but relieved at the same time. And let’s not forget that it was also a shock. Why tell someone to suppress their feelings if you have them too? Luisa was relieved because she had started to believe that Rose didn’t care about her that much. After all, everyone else in her life had proven to do so. Her father saw her just as a reckless little girl – despite the fact that she was already 32 years old – her brother obviously agreed to everything her father said, instead of having his older sister’s back. Her mother… she left her a long time ago, Luisa was only 4 years old when her father told her that mommy had gone on a trip, a long one. After a few weeks, Luisa was dressed up in a tiny black dress, holding her father’s hand as she said her last words to Mia Alver – her mother. The little girl of course thought that her mother had left her because she didn’t love her anymore, getting resented became familiar to Luisa, gaining more volume at the age of fifteen when her father found her kissing a girl in a utility closet.

With Rose she had always felt like she cared, though. But seemingly it wasn’t enough since Rose was still married to her father, instead of building a life with her. It hurt even more than being resented – it felt like she was being punched and hugged at the same time. There was affection as powerful as nothing else but there was also pain that hurt like nothing else. She couldn’t get used to it either – Rose came and then left, she never stayed.

She sighed as she threw the last tissue away, there was none left in her room. She felt like she had just cried out every single drop of water in her body, leaving her dry and nauseous. After every fight and every temporary break-up, they had experienced in the past, she had got through. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to survive this one, it felt final. Without noticing she had walked to her fridge, opening it only to find a few yoghurts and an expired can of whipped cream. She and Rose had had a lot of fun with this. The date of the can was three months ago.

_“You’re tickling me!” Rose giggled as she twisted on the bed. Luisa’s grinning face appeared from between Rose’s legs, covered in whipped cream._

_“Stand still! I’m trying to work over here,” Luisa purred, spraying some foamy dessert on Rose’s abdomen._

_“I can’t, you know how ticklish I am.”_

_Luisa ascended to face Rose. “That’s true,” she smiled, placing a soft kiss on Rose’s lips._

She sighed as she took the can out of the fridge and tossed it into the trash bin. It was expired and maybe so were they. They had been dragging this illusion of a romance on for way too long, it was a miracle they hadn’t been caught yet. Luisa really loved Rose, but she didn’t know how much more love in the form of pain she would be capable of receiving.

A light knock shattered her trail of thought. It was late – almost two at night – so there was only one person who could be standing outside. Luisa wasn’t sure if she could face her already, it had barely been five hours. She stood frozen by the fridge, her thirst suddenly forgotten. Two parts of Luisa were battling over whether to run to the door and open her arms for the painful love or try to hide from her. A second knock sounded through the room, making it harder for Luisa to decide what to do.

“Lu? Please, open up.”

Luisa felt a pinching in her throat as she fought off tears gathering in her eyes.

“Why should I open my door for you if you won’t open your heart for me?” she whispered, her head resting against the door. She tried to contain her shudders, listening to the sounds of breathing on the other side of the door. After 25 inhales and 26 exhales Luisa heard shuffling, followed by a soft knock.

“No. It’s not fair, Rose. I want to pour my heart out for you. I _would_ die for you – I meant what I said. And you do what, tell me to swallow my feelings, stay away from you, hide who I am? I am not my real self when I have to pretend I don’t love you. So, no – you don’t get to cross my threshold, you don’t get to break the rules _you_ made,” Luisa’s voice was strong but the longer she talked the sadder it got.

“You don’t have to let me in, I just want to see you. I _need_ to see you, baby, _please_ ,” Rose begged, which was a whole new level for her. Luisa knew Rose didn’t do anything that… weak. Rose was almost never vulnerable, only when Luisa hit a sore spot during their fights. Even then it was only for a second that Luisa could spot it in the confident clear blue eyes.

She took a deep breath as she turned the key in the lock and opened the door. Rose looked different. Her usual tight skirt had been replaced by black skinny jeans, flower-patterned silk blouse by a light blue sweater and instead of her regular red curls hanging loose on her shoulders they were now neatly put up into a high ponytail. She wasn’t wearing heels but a pair of sneakers, decreasing the height difference between them.

“You don’t get to call me that,” Luisa poisonously bit out, trying to keep a plain face. She had never seen Rose without her trophy-wifeish look and she liked it better, it was more _Rose_. She looked comfortable and relaxed but her expression was far from comfortable and relaxed. Her posture was sad and her lips were tightly pressed together.

“I’m sorry, I know,” she softened a bit. “I’m also sorry for saying… you know what. I shouldn’t have.”

She had kept her gaze on the floor before, but now brought it up to meet Luisa’s eyes. Then it all came back to Luisa – why she had gone to her after she had found out Rose was going to marry her father, why despite of their disagreements they had always ended up in bed together, why she had put up with the pain of not getting to fully have Rose and not being able to love her like she wanted to. She cursed herself for feeling this way but Luisa _did_ love her. _Punches and hugs_.

“What are you doing here, Rose? Shouldn’t you be spooning with my father or something?” Luisa exhaled, knowing this would be a bitter one.

Rose awkwardly looked away, trying to avoid feeling the quilt she always did when Luisa pointed out how Rose had made a choice and it hadn’t been her. It should have been her.

“Like I said, I had to see you, Luisa. I am so sorry for everything, for hurting you, for messing with your life, for loving you,” Rose smiled apologetically, her eyes glistening of tears threatening to roll down her cheeks any second.

“Again, you don’t get to say that, you don’t get to suddenly wear your heart on your sleeve after having kept me from doing so. You don’t get to tell me what to do, I want to do what _I_ want to do. You know what, I really tried to stay away from you when you asked me for space. I convinced myself every morning that I should move on – you have been nothing but toxic to me. You’re like a drug, or no, even better – like the best bottle of tequila I have ever had. I can’t let you go because I want you too much, I need you too much,” Luisa shook her head. “Whenever I try to leave you, I end up craving for you again. When we’re apart I miss your taste, your look, your touch, your smell… I’m addicted to you and I can’t get over you. Just the thought of you makes me forget everything else in my life. I’m pretty sure I’d take a bullet for you, Rose. Why, why do you keep denying me and yourself the love we deserve to share? Why?”

Rose brushed a lock of brown hair away from Luisa’s face, softly caressing her cheek. “I can’t tell you.”

“Then forget it,” Luisa pushed Rose’s hand away and took a step back. “Go back to your husband, go back to your trophy-wife life, forget about me.”

“Lu, please trust me, let me in,” Rose shuddered, trying to grasp for Luisa’s hand. “Please.”

“How can I trust you if you won’t even trust yourself?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why else would you ask me to stay away from you or to hide my feelings? You know me, you know I would rather kill myself than hurt you. But there are two parts to this relationship and if you trust me then there’s no one else left besides you.”

“You’re wrong,” Rose grunted through her teeth.

“Then prove it,” Luisa sighed, taking a step closer to Rose again. The look in her eyes was serious and her movements were gradual. She took one of Rose’s hands and squeezed it gently, pulling her into her room. When they were both inside, Luisa let go of Rose’s hand. She closed the door and leaned her back against it, looking at Rose with an unreadable gaze. Rose took a step towards Luisa, not daring to get too close.

“Come here,” Luisa said invitingly, offering Rose her hands. “Trust yourself.”

Rose bit her lower lip, her eyes turned to the ground. She accepted Luisa’s hands and stepped a little closer. When she had got close enough, Luisa tilted Rose’s face up so their eyes met. Luisa could read the longing in Rose’s eyes.

“I love you,” she whispered, moving her hands to Rose’s shoulders. “I always have.”

Something lighted up inside of Rose. She suddenly closed the distance between them and crashed their lips together, pulling Luisa’s upper lip between hers. Luisa held Rose firmer against her, subtly shoving her tongue into Rose’s mouth to find hers. Rose’s hands ran all over Luisa’s body, sending sparks on her skin everywhere. The way she held her was utterly caring, protective even. Luisa draped her arms around Rose’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Their need for each other was undeniable. Their bodies were formed against each other, moving by following the other’s lead. Suddenly, Rose broke all contact.

“We shouldn’t… I have to go,” she stuttered as she remembered she had only come here to say goodbye. If there hadn’t been a certain car waiting for her in an hour, she would have stayed. If there hadn’t been a certain plan she had been working on for the last five years, she would have… she would have been able to love Luisa but in this dimension, she couldn’t, it didn’t matter how _much_ she needed to.

“Please, _stay_ ,” Luisa pleaded, a desperate look in her eyes glistening in the dim lightning of the room. She leaned closer to Rose again, pressing their lips together, convincing Rose to change her mind.

“Your father…. He’ll get suspicious,” Rose breathed between Luisa’s lips locking on hers. Of course Emilio wouldn’t notice – the sleep he had fallen into was a definitive one, there was no coming back from under concrete, Rose knew that. She also knew how wrong it was to lie to Luisa but she had to, she couldn’t tell her the truth yet. Maybe someday…

“Why does it always have to be him? Why can’t it never be me?” Luisa sighed, feeling her voice break a bit. Rose looked at her with wide eyes, trying to come up with an answer. _It has always been you. It would always be you if matters were different. But they’re not and as much as I love you, I have to leave you._

“Stay, stay, stay…,” Luisa started laying insisting kisses all over Rose’s neck, purposefully lingering longer on some of them, sucking more strongly. Rose let a moan escape her lips, her eyes falling completely shut.

She couldn’t take it anymore, screw the plan, screw the last five years she had lived in torture of living a fake life, holding her real feelings in. Rose loved Luisa and she wanted her. She dove into the sea of lust, passionately brushing her lips against Luisa’s. Just like that she forgot about everything and everyone else in the world. _Luisa_ , _Luisa_ was all that mattered to her. To keep the woman close to her, to never let her drift in to harm’s way, Rose pulled her tight against her, locked her arms around her waist.

“Make love to me,” Luisa breathed, breaking off the kiss, resting her forehead on Rose’s. These four words kick-started Rose’s heart, making it thump louder and faster in her chest. Every beat reminded her of every time they’d kissed, every touch they had shared, every time Luisa had gazed into her eyes while making her come undone, exposing herself more to her than she’d ever done to anyone else. Without realizing it, she had helped Luisa out of her blue cotton shirt, hearing buttons hit the ground as the threads gave out. She locked her arms around Luisa’s waist, her frozen limbs melting to the burning contact with the tan skin of the woman’s bare body. Luisa gasped to the cool sensation of her lover’s hands as a shiver ran down her spine. Just like that met fire and ice, dancing to produce the steam of their love.

* * *

 

An hour later, Rose fought to keep her eyes open, the post-climax haziness and rush of emotions she had encountered making it extremely difficult. It didn’t help that Luisa was clinging to her under the covers, pressing her warm naked body against hers. The woman had surrendered to sleep almost right after finishing. Rose started shifting to get loose from Luisa’s embrace as softly as she could. She gathered her clothes and put them on while watching the brunette in the bed, breathing in a slow pace. She wanted to savior the moment, to burn the picture to her memory. To avoid waking the woman, she quietly pulled the blanket around her and placed a soft kiss on her head.

‘One day, Lu. One day I will come back to you, I promise,’ she whispered, hearing her voice crack. She buried her face into the brown locks spread over the pillow, allowing herself one last breath of her. Gradually she raised her head and stood up. Although the chances of her seeing Luisa again someday seemed slight right now, she had to believe they existed. When she stepped into the van that was her ride to disappearance, she took out her phone.

@Rose 3:15 AM

I love you.

She locked it and slid it into her pocket. Soon she would have to ditch it in order to erase all contact with her five-year life as Rose Solano. It had never been this hard to let go of an identity she had taken on. Rose wasn’t her birth name but it felt like her real name. A vibrating sensation against her thigh made her jump. Who could be texting her this late?

@Luisa 3:16 AM

I love you too. Promise me, one day?

Rose felt a tear escape her eye as she typed her response.

@Rose 3:17 AM

I promise, one day I’ll stay.

She felt shudders take over her as she smashed the phone against the wall, leaving her in the solitude of only hope for their future, for their love.


End file.
